1• Confession


Hey there Claire, it’s me Nate Rifkin
Texting from my dead friend’s Blackberry
Claire, are you on your Blackberry?

BlackBerry has two capital B’s.
Who died?

Claire! Thank God. Are you on your BlackBerry?

Don’t call me that.

Don’t call you Claire??

Coming from you it sounds entirely too familiar. How do you know I had a BB?

Cause you’re Canadian and when you grabbed me at the Wichita airport you recorded my infamous gaff on your pre-historic BlackBerry “Storm” or “Curve.” Shoulda called their next phone the “Cliff,” but it’s the Passport and I’m holding Artie’s. He was never without it, but he got thrown out his window and is now dead on the pavement. You on your BB?

Just got an iPhone.
Looking for my BB. I keep it for Canada. It’s in a drawer somewhere.

There are more BB’s in drawers somewhere than there are Gideon bibles. But a virus is killing Androids and iPhones and BlackBerry’s OS was always famously secure – now enhanced by a near zero market share, making it not worth the effort to create a virus.

Found BB, dead. Charging now. Who is Artie, why was he killed?

Look, please do NOW:
Tell your Followers DO NOT DOWNLOAD the APpOCALYPSE app, or CLICK the LookU1 text or the Looku1 Wink email that will inevitably appear on their device. Click it and it OWNS YOUR PHONE or computer.

No worries. Not one of my folks will fall for your devil’s clickbait.
Speaking of the devil, where are you now?

I am in the back of a taxi bleeding from the neck.

What happened??
Where are you going?

Going to JFK and Tokyo and hopefully some answers from Kazuyoshi Okada. The woman who made me bleed, think she’s in a car behind me.

Nathan. You are panicked, apocalyptic and opaque.

God’s truth, Dr. Bodine. Gotta tell you something and don’t know how much time I have. Please hear my confession.

BB charged enough to turn on. It’s my Canadian number – 416-828-****. You’ll be confessing at international rates, sorry.